It's The Depression Stupid

That may sound mean, but after 50 years of the disease I still forget. Today I went grocery shopping. Got home and stripped my bed. Then make a cup of tea... Then started some jigsaw puzzles online. Now my friend has come home and I've accomplished nothing and I feel like a loser.

The man who plows our driveway just arrived with his new second-hand truck and we were joking around. I drove my Escape up out o the way till he cleared our parking spots. That's when I remembered I had two bags of groceries still in the car to bring in - then I saw my cup o f tea I'd forgotten about - then I went by the bedroom door and realized I had not finished taking the sheets to the washer or made the bed. Now I know other people do the same thing, forgetting things. The difference is that they don't want to kill themselves or someone else over it.

That's why I say "It's The Depression Stupid."  Even the STUPID doesn't fit, but I'm trying to add a little humor here and there - people seem to want that. Now it's 4:15pm and pretty soon the cat will need feeding. The Sun is going down and I feel a bit better than the just "do no harm" stage. Sometimes that's all there is - do no harm to self or other.

Now I've remembered I want to paint. So maybe that's what today was, just to remind me to paint. 
/vss 

Snowy Day

It's Monday and I was supposed to go to the dentist, but it's snowing and Marcy doesn't like to drive in the snow, especially a long distance so she'd already cancelled the appointment. I called my acupuncturist to see if he could fit me in today. I've only had one treatment, but it helped my back and lifted my spirits too, which I had not expected.  Barry's giving me a break on the price as acupuncture is not covered by insurance. Marcy is paying for this first month of treatments. Now she's left for KCL and I'm at home with nothing to do. Then I was listening to an audio book about two teenagers who were having a hot romance. They didn't pretend to love each other, it was just this sexual attraction. The author was very descriptive of their relationship and with my history of awful sexual abuse the story was upsetting. I listened as long as I could and then switched to something about lawyers. Now it's sunny, and unlike years ago when I would have felt uncomfortable and afraid, I feel happy and I'm okay. We can all be okay. We have to be honest and brave, that way we can enjoy other people and I think that's all it's about. It does not have to be expressed in fancy language - it's more simple than that. Of course it's taken me a lot of therapy to have this knowledge. Maybe you don't have to do therapy, but I needed it. I've seen several different therapists some not so good, but most very good. Some for short periods of time, some for many years. It's up to you. There's more on my chapter on Therapists.