Just stay alive - At least stay alive

It's only Wednesday and already it has not been a great week. I laid down a rule for myself a few days ago: "Just stay alive, at least stay alive. Maybe you can do more, but just stay alive. Make it through this rebirth. It's a hard one, but stay alive through it." I know others have it a lot worse, but that's not the point. The point is for us to do the best we can and not get down on ourselves. Putting yourself down is not going to help anyone else and it's not going to help you. I mean it. I know. I'm 70 and getting down on myself for how I feel has never helped at all - just makes things worse. Forget what others tell you - I know how it feels.

Tell me what you think of this.

NOT MY PRESIDENT

This is a subject that even part-timers could be depressed about.

As part of Mr. Trump's acceptance speech he said he was going to be a president for all the people. Now it is less than a month since that date and he has already hired two of the most bigoted men as his close counsel. 

If a person with no experience tried to joint a fire fighting brigade he would not be allowed to go out on a call. The chief would not think twice about it because it would be a danger to himself and others.

This Mr. Trump whose only claim to fame is that he has made and lost billions over his business life. He has absolutely no experience to take on the job to which he has been elected.  The people who elected him have no idea what it is like to run the nation - they think he can just jump in "do it".

I think we should be seriously considering established ways to remove him from office, even before he has been sworn in.

Keep in touch,
V

When Will They Ever Learn

I am borrowing this line for my title because it fits so well. Are you tired of being treated as a "nut case" because you have a psychiatric diagnosis in your medical file? I am very tired of psychiatric illness stigma! 

Today I went for my first visit to a new medication provider for my psych medicines. I provided a typed sheet of my medications and which ones needed refills. I check this carefully with the information on my bottles before I go to the appt. 

He was pleasant enough although he acted surprised when I told him my PTSD came from sexual and physical treatment from my mother. Honestly-where do these people train? 

Then he compared my list with the computer list and said one medicine that I said had no refills should have had refills so he didn't give me a prescription. Think he'll ever trust me? I'm to call in if I still need it, if he is mistaken.

I really miss Lili. She was respectful, knowledgeable and unafraid. Hard to find these qualities in providers.

Write and let me know what your experience has been in an E.R. for example. Let's talk.
/v

I'M BACK !

Hello all,

It's been months since I've been able to post to this blog. Technical issues. This week I found a guy on a local service. He's kind, smart, honest and patient. Jerri Kohl is his name. If you're looking for help with your computer he's your man. Rides his bike everywhere and could even help long distance. Cost is on a sliding scale. Just look for a hippie wearing a bike helmet. You will not be disappointed.

Don't know how to express this, but I have had a healing through a German man Bruno Groning.  Look up Circle of Friends. He talks a lot about God, but the point is to be open to a strong healing stream that he is/was connected. He is no longer living, but many hundreds of thousands still reach the healing stream he describes. Two days after I did it for the first time my depression disappeared. That was July 5th. Since then it's been back a couple of days. I would ask myself "how did you live with this?"

Now if I could get half the help with my disabling back pain I'd be thrilled.

Hope you are well,

Vickie

Sometimes depression is just the time it takes

Sometimes it's all someone can do, to feel for someone else, to know they are truly caring, not just feeling sorry for them. In this moment it's for someone who was strangely shaped in some way or who had a perpetually frightened look on their face. I know someone like that, someone who just found out that they've been that way since childhood. They've been looking in all directions for the reason why. What made them turn out that way. They never really find out why. But now I know someone can care about them, can feel compassion for them. 

When I see them the next time I'll tell them that they are worth caring for, caring about. And I'll tell the person who's caring that this is important too. 

It's The Depression Stupid

That may sound mean, but after 50 years of the disease I still forget. Today I went grocery shopping. Got home and stripped my bed. Then make a cup of tea... Then started some jigsaw puzzles online. Now my friend has come home and I've accomplished nothing and I feel like a loser.

The man who plows our driveway just arrived with his new second-hand truck and we were joking around. I drove my Escape up out o the way till he cleared our parking spots. That's when I remembered I had two bags of groceries still in the car to bring in - then I saw my cup o f tea I'd forgotten about - then I went by the bedroom door and realized I had not finished taking the sheets to the washer or made the bed. Now I know other people do the same thing, forgetting things. The difference is that they don't want to kill themselves or someone else over it.

That's why I say "It's The Depression Stupid."  Even the STUPID doesn't fit, but I'm trying to add a little humor here and there - people seem to want that. Now it's 4:15pm and pretty soon the cat will need feeding. The Sun is going down and I feel a bit better than the just "do no harm" stage. Sometimes that's all there is - do no harm to self or other.

Now I've remembered I want to paint. So maybe that's what today was, just to remind me to paint. 
/vss 

Snowy Day

It's Monday and I was supposed to go to the dentist, but it's snowing and Marcy doesn't like to drive in the snow, especially a long distance so she'd already cancelled the appointment. I called my acupuncturist to see if he could fit me in today. I've only had one treatment, but it helped my back and lifted my spirits too, which I had not expected.  Barry's giving me a break on the price as acupuncture is not covered by insurance. Marcy is paying for this first month of treatments. Now she's left for KCL and I'm at home with nothing to do. Then I was listening to an audio book about two teenagers who were having a hot romance. They didn't pretend to love each other, it was just this sexual attraction. The author was very descriptive of their relationship and with my history of awful sexual abuse the story was upsetting. I listened as long as I could and then switched to something about lawyers. Now it's sunny, and unlike years ago when I would have felt uncomfortable and afraid, I feel happy and I'm okay. We can all be okay. We have to be honest and brave, that way we can enjoy other people and I think that's all it's about. It does not have to be expressed in fancy language - it's more simple than that. Of course it's taken me a lot of therapy to have this knowledge. Maybe you don't have to do therapy, but I needed it. I've seen several different therapists some not so good, but most very good. Some for short periods of time, some for many years. It's up to you. There's more on my chapter on Therapists.