This Part I Call Coming Out

This is coming out to myself. I know now that a large part of my depression came from not knowing how to or being able to be a child - then growing  up.  I only have somewhat consistent memories from age 18 to about age 40. At age 18 I got married to a sweet guy I met in a bar who didn't have the faintest idea what he was getting into.  That lasted about two years.  Almost every night I'd have him meet me at our favorite bar.When it was dinner time he'd glance at me and I'd give him a look that said I wanted to stay there and order some kind of take out. He never said no. We'd spend the rest of the night there almost till closing. I was working as a hairdresser, but that didn't last long because although I had a license I was not very good at it. Then I started drinking during the day because I didn't have a job. I met a woman who taught me the day time drinker's bar etiquette.

I let him catch me seeing another man and we were divorced.  A few years later about 1967 I met another man in a classier bar. I learned that if I wanted to meet wealthier men I'd have to hang out in better bars.  After about 6 months I moved in with him and in another year we were married in Las Vegas.  This one lasted 4 1/2 years, but I didn't care for him any more than the first one. Again more getting involved with other men and another divorce.

Now it dawned on me that it was Tucson that was the problem and I should head east. Moved to Central Texas where my sister and her family were living. I honed my medical transcription profession there but even with much therapy my depression got wore. Decided that if I was going to kill myself that I was going to do it someplace I loved. So I packed my car and headed to Cape Cod. I knew that was the right place for me as soon as I drove over the bridge.

Cape Cod is where I really came out as a lesbian, got sober at age 30 found out I had a dissociative component to my depression. And very lucky for me I hooked up with a therapist two years younger than me, but incredible skilled and very brave.  More about her in therapists section.

More later,
Vickie